This story is about Loodge, one of the most powerful Ferengi in the Ferengi empire. He was mean, exploited everyone, and didn't let anything like 'moral values' get in his way. When that day came... the day humans called... Christmas.
Loodge was happily doing business. He had just exploited another customer. Ah, how it felt good to earn profit, even if the people he was doing business with were now doomed to live a life of being poor. But what did Loodge care! Hah! He was a Ferengi! A businessman! And a pretty good one at that!
Loodge was on his way to the planet Bajor, to do some business there. He was travelling by cargo freighter. (It was the cheapest way to go.) The freighter was ugly, filled with darkness. The Ferengi was in his room, counting his latinum, when he suddenly heard someone knocking. ~That's odd.~ he thought, while standing up. ~Why don't they use the chiming button?~ He sighed. ~Of course... those freighters aren't that modern... they must not have those chiming thingies then...~ "Enter!" he shouted, while sitting down, and continued counting his latinum again.
Nobody entered. But the knocking went on. "Enter!" Loodge was now becoming angry. "Who dares to play tricks with the almighty Loodge?" he shouted. Still, no response. Angrily, he stood up, and opened the door. There was no-one there. ~How is this possible? Shouldn't there be someone here?~ He shrugged. ~Oh well.. I've got more important things to worry about. Like how to take more latinum from those Bajorans!~ He began to laugh, like only a Ferengi could. But after a few seconds, his laughing was interrupted by another knock on the door.
Again, he stood up, and opened the door. Again, there was nobody there! But when he turned around, cursing in his native language, he almost bumped into another Ferengi. "Hey!" Loodge shouted. "Can't you see where you are going? And how did you get in here?" It wasn't until then he looked at the face of the unknown Ferengi. "By the tower of commerce!" he called out. "Marlon! How did you get in here!" He paused.
"Wait a minute... Aren't you dead?"
The other Ferengi, called Marlon, nodded. "Yes I am.. my beloved businesspartner!" The dead Ferengi made his way to the chair Loodge had been sitting. "Ah," he said. "I see you are doing well? You've made more Latinum then I would have given you credit for my friend."
Loodge blinked his eyes. "Marlon... Is it you? But how... and why..." He paused. "And don't touch my latinum!"
Marlon pulled away his hand. "Sorry Loodge... It's just... Sometimes I yearn back to the days I had some real latinum in my hands..." The dead Ferengi looked at the one still alive. "That's why I've come back from the Divine Treasury."
This had peaked Loodge's interest. "What is life like over there?"
Marlon sighed. "You mean what is death like over there... You know, I, and a lot of others are getting bored by all that eternal greed. There is latinum everywhere, you don't have to work, and you can exploit all you want! But..."
"But what?" Loodge was getting curious. "It sounds like heaven to me!"
"It is.. But you'll get bored you know. Every day it's always the same... You begin the day by taking a latinum bath... then we'll have tubegrubs for breakfast... tubegrubs for lunch... and tubegrubs for dinner. And all the beetlesnuff you can buy! But... I hate to say it.. I'm bored. I don't like those tubegrubs anymore, and my latinum is gone. I've spilled it all on beetlesnuff. So here I am now, trying to persuade you to take advantage of all that you have. Go buy something! Spend it all!"
Loodge couldn't believe he was hearing this. "What?" he shouted. "Spend all my latinum? Never!"
"Okay then." Marlon shrugged. "Then I'll just have to send 3 ghosts to persuade you. Bye!" And with that, Marlon disappeared.
~Man... that was weird.~ Loodge thought. ~I must have sniffed too much of that beetlesnuff...~
An hour later, Loodge had forgotten the whole incident. Counting his latinum seemed to do that to him. Suddenly, there was another knock on his door. ~What now...~
The whole room started to light up when the door opened. "Loodge..." came a voice. "I am the ghost of Christmas past!"
~A ghost? This can't be right?~ "You're not touching my latinum!"
The lights diminished, and now Loodge could see the ghost. It was... holding a flashlight?
"Yeah sorry." The ghost said. "We had to cut back on glow in the dark paint, so we thought we could use a flashlight." The ghost came forward. Loodge could now finally see it's face.
"You're a Trill?"
The ghost nodded. "Yes." She said. "Did that surprise you?"
"Well... yes..." Loodge said softly. "I was expecting a Ferengi."
This seemed to upset the ghost. "Fine then! I'll leave if you want to!" With big, angry steps, the Trill ghost marched to the door.
Loodge shrugged. ~Who cares... That stupid ghost is just a waist of time!~
Suddenly, the whole room changed. It was as if the only thing that remained the same was Loodge himself. He found himself in a tall building, looking out over... ~Ferenginar? How did I get here?~ He scratched his lobes, and looked around. There, the Trill ghost of Greed past stood. "Welcome to Ferenginar." He said. "It's the day before Christmas... the one day in the year that Greed cannot have a place in society..."
"Hello.." Loodge said to this Trill. "That might work with a lowly huwman, who do nothing else than celebrate, and earn nothing about it.. but I'm a Ferengi! I do not share such idiotic values... I'm living my life the Ferengi way... and nothing that you show me, can change that!"
The Trill smiled. "I wouldn't be so sure. Look over there." He pointed at some Ferengi, having what seemed like a wild party.
"I don't believe it!" Loodge shouted out. "There's old Weg! He died quite a few years ago!" He grinned. "Oh, Weg was always too generous, the poor man. He didn't charge the full entrance fees to this party, even though these parties were great!"
"Yes... but why did he do that?" the Trill spirit asked Loodge. "Why would he not want to make profit?"
Loodge frowned. "He always said it made him feel good. Grumpy old man... he was always too emotional." He shook his head. "That's why the Ferengi Commerce Authority came to get him... and if I remember correctly, they came right about.."
The doors burst open, and there, in the dooropening, there were a few armed Ferengi. "Now." Loodge finished.
The Trill looked surprised. "Ehm.. yeah, this is one Christmas you do not have to see.. let's go!" And in a flash, which happened faster than someone could say 'FCA', they disappeared.
Only to reappear again, at another place and time which Loodge remembered. "Oh! I remember this!" he said, almost shouting out in joy. "This was the shipyard of which I bought my first ship! Oh, I remember it now..." His face changed from being happy to being angry. "That ship was no good, I tell you. Right after the first trip, I was stranded in outer space, because the engines hadn't been maintained properly." He shook his head. "Oh, how naive I was back then..."
"Ehm.. right." The spirit said, frowning again. ~This isn't going well..~ He sighed. "But don't you see.. you even paid more to get your own ship! That was generous, wasn't it?"
"No it wasn't!" Loodge spat at the Trill spirit. "That guy took extra latinum off me, and I was too stupid to see! My goodness... I could have spend 88 pieces of Gold Pressed Latinum, just by haggling! But what did I do? I thought I had enough, and I spent it! What was I thinking?"
"Ehm.. no, you're not getting the point.." the Trill spirit said. "Christmas isn't about haggling... it's about.."
"Forget Christmas!" the Ferengi shouted. "Take me back! Now! I cannot stand this!"
The Trill spirit sighed... and before Loodge knew it, he was back at the old freighter, in his bunk. There was no spirit anywhere, and... wait a second, yes, there was! There, in a corner, he saw a light.
The light got closer and closer, and seemed to reach out to him. Loodge didn't know what this was... but before he knew it, the light was all around him. "Hello?" he asked. "What's this?"
A human approached. In the bright light, he seemed to be nothing more than a shadow. "You'd better start believing in ghost stories matey..." the human started. "You're in one!" With that, the human jumped into the light.
Nothing happened. "Oh come on.." the human started, and let out a slight sigh. "You're not even a little bit scared?"
Loodge shrugged. "What kind of businessman would I be, if I would be scared of everything? Not a very good one.."
"No.." the human said, seeming to hesitate. "That's true, but... I'm the spirit of Christmas present! And.. well, I... I..."
Now, it was Loodge's turn to sigh. "Right. Let me guess... you want to show me Christmas present? Why actually? I mean... I already know what the present is like. So why show me? What's the use? I could really use my time better you know."
The human spirit grabbed Loodge by the hand. "Oh come on.. let's go." And again, in a bright white light, they disappeared...
Only to reappear somewhere else on this ship. "Hey, I know this place..." Loodge said. "It's the office I have paid for my secretary. He's a dumb hew-mon, but for some reason, I like him..."
The human spirit shook his head. "But I bet you didn't know that he has a wife and kids on some backward colony?"
Loodge shrugged. "Sure I did. That's why I took him in. What can I say... I have a weakness. Stupid, I know, but I just couldn't leave him on his colony, with Ms. Cratchett, and their son, called Tiny Tim. He's incredibly ill, and might die any moment now."
The human spirit looked surprised. "How do you know that?"
Again, the Ferengi shook his head. "I wouldn't be a good businessman if I didn't know the background of the people I hire..."
"But..." the human spirit seemed to be totally stunned. "Don't you care that this Tiny Tim is going to die?"
"Why should I?" Loodge answered. "That Tiny Tim won't be a good worker anyway. Let him die."
"I... I..." The spirit seemed to be appalled. "That's it! Time for the big guns! You've asked for it buddy! The 3rd spirit will come!"
With that, Loodge found himself back in his bunk on the ship. Nothing seemed to have happened. However, it didn't take him long to hear a familiar sound: the sound of Gold Pressed Latinum. ~Now there's a sound for sore ears..~ he thought, while walking in the direction of the sound.
When he entered the next room, he saw several Ferengi paying each other Gold Pressed Latinum. *His* Gold Pressed Latinum! "Hey!" Loodge shouted. "Stop that! That's mine!" The Ferengi didn't seem to hear him though... no matter how hard Loodge shouted.
"You're dead." A voice from behind him told. Loodge quickly turned around, and saw a Klingon, dressed up in a warrior's outfit, standing there. "You died an honourless death, dying with only your latinum around you. You're disgusting."
"Why thank you for the compliment." Loodge said, in more than just a simple sarcastic tone. "Ehm.. if I may ask... what are those Ferengi doing with my latinum?"
"As I said," the Klingon Warrior spirit grunted, "You're dead. I'm the spirit of Christmas future, and what you see here, is Ferengi buying and selling your bodyparts." The Klingon shuddered. "Bah.. honourless Km'pekt!"
"Hmmm." Loodge wasn't all too shocked by his demise... especially since he saw that those disks of him were sold with extremely good prizes! "So... I'm gone to the Divine Treasury, and those disks are worth a fortune.." He turned to the Klingon, with a big smile on his face. "Was that why you brought me here?"
Another grunt came from the Klingon. "There's more. Come with me." Again, a bright white flash appeared, and the next thing Loodge remembered, he was standing in a dark room, looking at Bob Cratchett, and his wife... without the Tiny Tim. "Oh no..." Loodge was obviously shook up about this. "The horror!"
The Klingon spirit smiled slightly. "Yes... because you paid his dad this little, he couldn't afford the medical care needed to keep his son alive."
"No, that's not what I meant!" Loodge shouted out. "Look! They're eating a bird! How disgusting!"
"By Gret'hor! Don't you have any respect for life? For Christmas? Where's your Christmas spirit?" The Klingon was getting angry... and Loodge backed off just a little.
"Easy.." he said. "You're my Christmas spirit... why would I need one for myself?" He paused. "You know, there is a beautiful word for this.. and ironically, it came from the hew-mons... Humbug. Now, get me back to my ship."
The Klingon spirit let out a loud roar... and then looked at Loodge in the eyes. "You may have won the battle... but not the war! You *will* feel the spirit of Christmas... even if it means that we have to haunt you every year! You got that?"
"Yeah yeah.." Loodge said, sarcastically. "I'm feeling the spirit of Christmas now.. .really. Now, please let me go ho.."
Again, in a bright white flash, he was transported back to where he began: his bunk. This time, he found himself laying in his bed. ~Wow.. that was some weird dream..~ He shook his head, and stepped out of bed. ~I need a walk..~
He hadn't walked very far, when he met one of the other passengers of this ship: a small boy. "Hello," Loodge started, "Do you know what day it is?"
The human boy seemed to be surprised. "Yes Sir... It's Christmas day!"
"Christmas day.." Loodge repeated the boy. His eyes grew wider, and a smile appeared on his face. "Boy... can you do something for me? You know those large birds that people eat on Christmas?"
"Turkeys?"
"Yeah, those! I'd like you to get me the biggest one that you can find! Understood? And Merry Christmas!" Loodge said, smiling from ear to ear.
The boy, obviously surprised, simply nodded, and walked away, only to come back to Loodge's quarters several minutes later with a large replicated roasted turkey. "Thank you my boy!" Loodge said, and then got closer to the boy's ears. "Now scram!"
The boy, with a terrified look on his face, didn't even stay to think about it... he simply ran away, his face in tears.
"And a Merry Christmas!" Loodge shouted after the boy. With that, he closed the door to his room, and put this turkey on the table. ~Let's see how this hew-man dish tastes...~ he thought, and took a small bite. ~Man... I love Christmas!~
