Hello. My name is... Well, I don't have a name. But it seems my owner has called me Tribby. I'm a Tribble. And I would like to let you knowwhat I do all day long. Well, for the most part, I'm just being cute. I make a lot of nice noises. This is not because I like doing that. On the contrary. I hate my noise. I also hate the cuddling, the petting and the kissing, those annoying humans do all the time. Ow... How I hate that!
For me, making this noise is no more then a technique for survival. Let me explain.
A long time ago, Tribbles were a warrior's race. We fought each other. How, you say? Simple. We decided to have a "Who makes the loudest noise" contest. All the biggest (and usually loudest) tribbles from all over the planet, came to our capital, and there the contest began. For days, tribbles would make that purring sound, as loud as they could. The winner would receive the most food, thereby reproducing, and letting his offspring live on the continent he lived on. Through this evolution, Tribbles were purring even louder and louder. There was much hate among Tribbles. We even had a few civil wars. (Well, actually it was just a heap of Tribbles, trying to annoy each other.)
After a few centuries, we had evolved to the point where war was no longer necessary. All the planet was ruled by a single tribe of tribbles. All was peaceful, and by dividing our food supplies, we could feed the whole planet. But soon, we found another problem: Overpopulation. Now that war was no longer a part of our lives, we could focus ourselves to the things that really mattered... eating and reproducing. But we were a bit too fanatic about this. Soon, the planet couldn't hold more tribbles, so we had to find another solution, namely: spacetravel.
Our greatest scientists thought about warp-drive, and they even had plans to build it. But unfortunately, being a being with no limbs, it was difficult to create it. We were doomed to die from starvation, and overpopulation.
Luckily, we got visitors from outer space. It seemed some merchants liked our planet, and liked us. They took a few of us into their ship, and sold us as pets. We didn't mind. Now, we had room enough, for us, and our offspring.
This is how one of my ancestors came onto the USS Enterprise, NCC 1701. He was the one captain Kirk almost sat on... O man... I'm so proud!
But anyway... My ancestor was one of the tribbles who got taken away by Captain Sisko, to the 24th century. There, we learned that the Klingons... -Ow, I hate those!- had destroyed all of our family, on our home planet. But thank goodness we got our revenge... The Klingons contracted a rare virus, that was native to our planet. Somehow, this changed their appearance... They now grew all kind of ridges on their foreheads! Hah, serves them right!
But anyway, now I'm here, on starbase 314. A kid called Thomas had just bought me. And I'm so hungry... I could eat a whole storage of grain, if there was any! So now I'm purring as loud as I can, so that Thomas thinks I am cute, and feeds me... He'll be in for a surprise when he does... as will his parents! Muahahahaha!
There he comes. I must stop talking now. It has been nice talking to you! And if you get your eyes on a report which tells you starbase 314 has been abandoned... You'll know it's because the Tribbles are eating it apart!
For now, goodbye!
Tribby the Tribble,
Son of Trobby the Tribble,
Daughter of Trebby the Tribble,
Son of Mr T the Tribble
Son of Targ the Tribble
Daughter of Tribble the Unknown,
Daughter of the Tribble Kirk sat on!
Translated from the Tribble language into English, by Rob Versteegt.
